Dear Milly,
Last night, Julie called you to share the news that we are moving. The call started with Billy and Julie, but then you took over. Almost immediately, you employed DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender), a tactic commonly used to manipulate and control the conversation. You made comments about how bad of a mom you are, twisting the narrative to make yourself the victim. As expected, Julie, in her empathy and nurturing nature, tried to reassure you, falling right into your manipulative trap. It was heartbreaking to see her manipulated again.
Milly, you are a covert malignant narcissist. Every interaction with you reinforces this truth. You consistently double down, even triple down, on your manipulative behaviors. Last night, once you implemented DARVO, you skillfully moved Julie around your gameboard. To you, this is a game.
You are a bad mother, a bad grandmother, a bad wife, and a bad mother-in-law. You are an Abuser. You treat others like dirt. You have and continue to abuse those around you.
You refuse to grow up and take responsibility for your actions and words. Instead, you behave like a child, and those around you have enabled this behavior. You have held others back in life intentionally.
You do this by choice. I've witnessed it. My blog articles are little pieces of your puzzle.
For the past 20 years, I’ve watched you stubbornly refuse to grow up, doubling down on your immature and manipulative behaviors. I've witnessed the impact of your actions on Julie and the kids. The truth is, only you can be responsible for your behavior—no one else.
Last night, you didn't stop at DARVO. You used gaslighting and projection to further manipulate the conversation. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the abuser makes the victim doubt their reality, memories, or perceptions. Your denial of events and twisting the truth aimed to make Julie question her own reality and feel confused, anxious, and dependent on your version of events.
Projection, another classic tactic, involves you attributing your own negative traits and behaviors onto others. By accusing Julie or Billy of actions or qualities that are truly your own, you deflect responsibility and guilt. This not only confuses the victim but also shifts the focus away from your own behavior.
Milly, I know you read my blogs, yet you seem to think what I'm writing isn't true. I wish it wasn't true, but it is. You also have no clue about my health, further enforcing my hunch that you are still living in your narrative that I'm lying.
Recognizing these tactics is crucial. It’s important for Julie and others to understand these patterns as the first step toward breaking free. Setting boundaries, seeking support, and staying informed about these manipulative tactics is essential. The strength lies in acknowledging the truth and taking steps to protect one’s mental and emotional well-being.
Milly, you can choose to take responsibility for your actions and change, but that choice is yours alone.
You and only you can change yourself.
Alan