Assumptions can be incredibly damaging, creating misunderstandings and perpetuating false narratives. Over the years, I’ve encountered numerous assumptions, both in my personal and professional life, that have led to significant misunderstandings and wasted resources. It's time to address these misconceptions and shed light on the reality of my experiences.
The Cost of Assumptions in the Workplace
During my tenure with my previous employer, I encountered many situations where decisions were made based on assumptions rather than data. For instance, the DCOE team extensively monitored various systems through Zabbix—servers, OS and OOB (separately), network gear of all kinds (switches, firewalls, routers), and PDUs - millions of metrics. However, instead of asking what data we had, the leadership assumed we didn’t have it and were always surprised that we did have data.... so much data!
This led to considerable inefficiencies that bordered on fraud, waste, and abuse. Here are some key consequences of relying on assumptions:
Waste of Resources and Talent: Over eight years, a significant waste of resources and talent occurred due to decisions based on false assumptions. This is inefficient and borders on fraud, waste, and abuse.
Damage to Relationships: Assumptions strain relationships by creating misunderstandings and fostering an environment of distrust.
Potential for Fraud: Spending millions based on assumptions without verifying the facts is not just irresponsible; it’s a severe breach of ethical standards.
The Power of Assumptions in Personal Relationships
Assumptions also affect personal relationships. Over the years, assumptions from individuals like Milly, Billy, and Milly's family painted me as antisocial and much worse, feeding a self-sustaining loop within their narcissistic family system. Here are some specific instances:
Discomfort Around Narcissistic Behavior: I find it incredibly challenging to be around narcissistic individuals. The manipulation, lack of empathy, and constant need for validation create a toxic environment that I prefer to avoid for my own mental and emotional well-being. This discomfort is often mistaken for antisocial behavior.
The Thanksgiving Experience: I vividly remember a Thanksgiving when we brought a turkey that we raised and culled with our hands to Milly and Billy's house. Despite our efforts, a comment was made about me fishing for compliments. This was not the case; we were starting a turkey farm and genuinely sought feedback.
The Reality of Living with Pain
Living with chronic pain changes everything. It’s an invisible burden that limits what I can do and how I interact with the world. Here are some ways in which physical pain impacts my life:
Limited Mobility: Simple activities like riding in a car become excruciating, making it difficult to join family gatherings, attend events, or even run errands.
Difficulty Sitting Still: Prolonged sitting can exacerbate my pain, making it hard to participate in long meetings, family dinners, or social functions.
Emotional Toll: Chronic pain isn’t just a physical challenge; it takes an emotional toll as well, leading to feelings of frustration, sadness, and isolation.
Adding to the emotional toll are the narcissistic dynamics that self-perpetuate, creating a continuous cycle of stress and emotional exhaustion.
The Invisible Health Struggle
One of the most frustrating aspects of living with chronic pain is how invisible it is to others. People look at me and see someone who appears fine, so they assume I am fine. This harmful assumption has impacted my life in several ways:
Unemployment: The assumption that I am capable of performing tasks without understanding my limits has led to my current state of unemployment.
Manipulation by Others: People like Milly exploit these assumptions to manipulate situations and perceptions. Her ability to sell her narrative has been bolstered by the fact that my pain isn’t visible to others.
Breaking the Cycle of Assumptions
It’s crucial to break the cycle of assumptions and seek understanding. Here are some steps we can all take to foster better relationships:
Ask Questions: Instead of assuming, ask questions to understand someone’s perspective and circumstances better.
Show Empathy: Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Understanding their struggles and challenges can create a more compassionate viewpoint.
Avoid Judgments: Refrain from making snap judgments based on incomplete information. Everyone has their own battles, and it’s important to recognize that.
Communicate Openly: Open and honest communication can dispel misconceptions and build stronger, healthier relationships.
Conclusion
Assumptions can be harmful, leading to misunderstandings and perpetuating false narratives. It’s essential to challenge these assumptions by seeking the truth and showing empathy. Whether in family dynamics or professional settings, assumptions are dangerous and destructive. I’m an open book—ask instead of assume.
By sharing my experience, I hope to highlight the need for a Thoughtful approach that values data, respects team contributions and prioritizes ethical decision-making. Breaking the cycle of assumptions is not just about improving efficiency; it’s about fostering trust, empathy, and understanding in every aspect of our lives.