Growing up in a family dominated by rage and anger has left deep emotional scars on me. This blog post delves into my tumultuous family dynamics marked by anger, dominance, and a toxic environment, which led to my decade-long decision to go no contact.
The Dominance of Rage
My older brother's need for dominance and control has always been a source of turmoil. His actions have ranged from feeding live stray cats to his dogs to contributing to our mother's death by providing her with pills. These actions are not just about anger but an unsettling need to assert dominance, almost as if his very existence is fueled by the need to control and instill fear.
His behavior wasn't just a phase or occasional outburst; it was a constant presence. The family dynamic revolved around his mood swings and violent tendencies. Everyone walked on eggshells, fearing the next explosive episode. His anger was a tool he wielded with precision, instilling fear and submission.
A Family that Promotes Anger
The rest of the family has either been too afraid to stand up to him or has accepted and promoted his behavior. This dynamic has become so ingrained that it's almost an accepted way of life. But the anger isn't limited to my brother. My Aunt Suzy thrived on creating emotional turmoil. She tormented my mother and extended her cruelty to my younger sister. Her actions reflected the training she received from our grandfather, an Overt Malignant Narcissist.
The Maliciousness of Aunt Suzy
Aunt Suzy was a master manipulator who thrived on emotional chaos. She seemed to take pleasure in creating distress and discord. Suzy would often concoct elaborate stories to pit family members against each other. Her tactics were insidious and deeply rooted in psychological manipulation. From spreading malicious rumors to gaslighting, she ensured that no one in the family could find solid footing.
Our grandfather, Pa, even introduced me to the term "Narcissist" to describe Suzy. He explained that although my mom was smarter, more capable, and just a better person overall, Suzy was a Narcissist who also harbored anger towards her. As Pa mentioned, Suzy's only power over my mom was compromising her emotionally, a tactic she executed with great effect, quickly and efficiently.
Suzy's cruelty was not limited to words; she would often employ a mix of passive-aggressive tactics and overt hostility. Whether it was public humiliation or private torment, she knew exactly how to push the right buttons to inflict maximum pain. It was like watching a slow-motion car wreck where she was both the driver and the onlooker, relishing every moment of destruction.
The Legacy of Abuse
This created a lifetime of torment directed at my mom, a painful legacy that seems to have been passed down, accepted, and even celebrated within the family. The emotional scars inflicted by my brother and Aunt Suzy have left lasting impacts on my mental health and well-being. My family's acceptance and even promotion of such behavior have only compounded the pain, making it seem almost like a normal way of life.
Moving On: A Decade of No Contact
For over ten years now, I have chosen to go no contact with my family. This decision has been a crucial step towards finding peace and healing from the toxic environment I grew up in. Removing myself from the immediate influence of such pervasive anger and dominance has allowed me to begin the journey towards emotional freedom.
Living with the Pain
The emotional toll of growing up in such a hostile environment is profound and difficult to convey. Even though I no longer have contact with my family, the impact of their behavior lingers. The mere fact of my presence still enrages them. They genuinely wish I would just "shut up and die." Feel free to ask my older brother; he'll be quite honest with you about it.
Breaking Free and Finding Hope
I am in the process of breaking free from this cycle now. It's caused financial disaster, but I am breaking free. Despite the pain and the deeply rooted anger within my family, I hold onto hope. Hope that one day, there will be a way to fully break free from this cycle of rage and dominance. I believe in the possibility of healing and finding peace, even if it seems like a distant dream at times.
This story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the hope for a better, more peaceful future. Breaking free from such deeply ingrained family dynamics is no easy feat, but it is a vital step towards finding true emotional freedom and healing.