Not everything in my childhood was tainted by negativity, even though my maternal grandfather, Pa, was an overt malignant narcissist. Amidst the challenges, there were moments that stood out for their simplicity and joy—moments that I cherish to this day.
A Journey to the Chesapeake Bay
Fishing in the Chesapeake Bay was one such memory. Pa would take not only me but also my older brother and sister out of school on a Friday, and we’d start our journey well before dawn. The three-hour drive from Farmville, through Richmond, and down to Poquoson was a small adventure in itself. Mom and I would often sleep in the back of the truck, under the camper shell, waking up halfway to grab snacks, fishing gear, and other essentials.
At Poquoson, we’d head to a small parking area near Messick Point boat ramp and Bill Forrest Seafood. Here, we'd set minnow traps and wade into the creek to catch crabs with our nets. Pa loved to remind us of our roots, how we were related to many in the area, including the Forrest family—a connection that traced back to the original English settlers.
On the Water
If our traps were successful, we’d offload the boat at the Messick Point Public Boat Ramp. Our vessel was a humble 16-foot aluminum Jon boat with a 25hp Mercury engine. Pa would handle the initial setup, and once we were on the water, he’d often let me navigate. I remember his instructions on reading signs and buoys, and how he’d scan the waters for any movement.
We’d motor around Back River, sometimes venturing past Factory Point but never too far in our small boat. We’d wade waist-deep in the water, catching blue crabs and filling our bushel baskets. The cool water against my skin was always a welcome relief. Pa and Mom would also rake for oysters and clams. On good days, we’d return with a bountiful haul of crabs, clams, oysters, and a cooler full of fish.
Back Home
Returning home, usually around midnight, Granny would greet us. The weekend would be spent feasting on our catch, cleaning gear, and recounting our adventures. Freshwater fishing in local ponds and lakes never quite matched up to those trips to the Bay.
Summers and Farming
Summers in Virginia were hot and humid, and Pa made sure we had an above-ground pool to cool off in. During these playful sessions, I’d often get carried away, sometimes leading to uncomfortable situations with my older brother. What started as innocent play often escalated into my brother taking things even further—acts of payback or retribution that left me feeling anxious and distressed.
Pa also tried his hand at farming. He bought 100 roosters, 12 hens, 2 pigs, and 2 cows. This venture, however, was short-lived, lasting only a year or two.
Medical Worries and Family Reunions
During this time, I faced some heart issues, including what was initially diagnosed as a heart murmur. Unfortunately, I don’t think I outgrew it, as I still experience issues with my heart to this day. Family reunions, hosted by Granny’s brother Uncle Jay, were a highlight. A WWII Marine vet, Uncle Jay’s gatherings featured whole-hog BBQs and were a chance to connect with extended family.
Processing the Complex Relationship
Looking back, my relationship with Pa was a mix of fond memories and difficult moments. Understanding his overt malignant narcissism helps me process these experiences more clearly. It's okay to have conflicting emotions about someone who played such a significant role in my life. Accepting this complexity is part of my healing journey.
Moving Forward
As I continue to navigate these memories, I find solace in writing and reflecting. Professional support, mindfulness, and connecting with supportive communities have been invaluable. Establishing clear boundaries and nurturing positive relationships are essential steps towards a healthier and happier life.
In sharing my story, I hope to offer insight and support to others who may be navigating similar relationships. Your journey is unique, and it's important to acknowledge both the good and the bad, using these experiences to fuel personal growth and understanding.
If you’ve had similar experiences, know that you’re not alone. Together, we can find strength and resilience in our shared stories.
Feel free to share your thoughts or reach out for support. We’re in this journey together.