There were many moments in my life when my born-in-family made it clear: "We won't help you. You need to seek therapy." Their words felt like a sharp dismissal, a refusal to support me directly. Despite this, I eventually realized that their insistence pushed me toward a path I didn’t initially understand but eventually embraced. Through this journey, I found an unexpected source of healing within myself by writing a book about my experiences with Family Scapegoat Abuse (FSA). Narcissists All Around Me: My Chaotic Journey as a Scapegoat
Navigating Alone Time
Being told to seek therapy often left me feeling isolated. I found comfort in spending time alone, finding solace in my own company. Alone time became a refuge, a space where I could reflect without external pressures. Yet, there was another side to me that thrived in the presence of others, longing for connection and understanding. Balancing these two aspects of myself was challenging but essential for my growth.
Discovering Healing Through Writing
Writing has always been a sanctuary for me—a place where I could unburden my thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment. When I began documenting my experiences with FSA, it wasn't just an act of storytelling but an act of self-therapy. Through writing, I could bring clarity to my experiences and better understand the impact of being the family scapegoat.
The Role of My Family
Though my family constantly urged me to seek help elsewhere, they perhaps didn't grasp the profound impact of their words. Their clear message—that they wouldn't help me directly—pushed me to explore therapy in a non-traditional way. Instead of finding solace on a therapist's couch, I found it in the blank pages of my manuscript. Writing became my form of therapy, offering me closure and a path to healing.
Acknowledging the Pain
Family Scapegoat Abuse is a subtle yet insidious form of systemic dysfunction where one member is unjustly blamed for the family's problems. This role brought with it feelings of rejection, shame, and blame, which I carried for years. Writing about these experiences allowed me to face my past, acknowledge the pain, and embark on a journey toward healing.
Gratitude for the Nudge
Today, I thank my family for their indirect help. By steadfastly urging me to seek therapy elsewhere, they set me on a path of self-discovery and healing. My upcoming book, Narcissists All Around Me: My Chaotic Journey as a Scapegoat, which chronicles the complexities and consequences of FSA, is not only a personal achievement but also a testament to my resilience and growth.
Conclusion
In the end, healing came from within. While my born-in-family wouldn't offer the direct support I needed, their insistence on seeking help guided me to a profound realization: sometimes, the best help we can receive is the one that leads us to help ourselves. Writing became my therapy, and through it, I found the strength to heal and the courage to share my story with others.